Saying Goodbye
by BOO-imawriter
Summary: The Black Org is gone, but Shinichi is still Conan. What happens when he can't take it anymore? Okay this is a horrible summary. I use Japanese names.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, this is my first Detective Conan fanfic  
>This is going to be my first multi-chaptered story, just thought that putting it into one chapter would not bring the same emotion to the table<br>I'm not really sure what rating this should be so it'll be K+ until someone tells me otherwise  
>Please give me your honest opinions on this one!<p>

Disclaimer: If Detective Conan were mine, the readers would be able to solve the mystery before I even reveal the suspects. Wait, that sounds wrong...

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><p>He knew that this was one of the possibilities that could arise. His superior intelligence could not have missed this one. However, despite planning this scenario in his head at least 20 times over, most of which coming in the last hour, he found it hard just to force the words from his mouth.<p>

She was crying. That was understandable. It being understandable, however, did not make it bearable. He could feel his own heart tearing apart inside of him as he tried, to the best of his ability, to keep a cold face as he gazed down upon her. His legs were threatening to give up on him, hers had already done so. It was raining, but neither of them even noticed as they continued the heart-breaking conversation.

The pedestrians looking over would see a typical breakup. The average detective would probably see a bit further and ascertain that this was a less than typical breakup and would cast questioning glances to the supposedly cold gentleman that was just watching his girl cry. If the onlooker that passed by just happened to be a high-leveled detective, they would instead place their eyes onto the slight shivering of his legs and the tightly-clenched fist on his side, from that finding out that the scene before them was way more complicated than it would seem to the normal pedestrian.

His poker face was faltering; he could feel his tears creeping out from the sides. He needed to do this or she probably would never move on, waiting for someone that no longer existed…

"W..w..why?"

As she uttered that word while crying her heart out, he could feel his heart break into pieces. This was the most crucial step, the one he really didn't want to say. It was as far away from the truth as it could be, and doing this would most definitely break their relationship. Just one sentence to bring everything to an end, an end that he knew was better for both of them but one he never ever wanted as it meant leaving her forever, without any chance of ever getting her back…

"I don't think things are working out for us, now or ever. I know it would be awkward between us if I stayed, so I'm leaving for good. I don't care if you hate me, just accept it. You should have never waited. Unless you have something to say, go away. We're done."

Each word felt like poison as it left his lips, the effect was made ten times worse as he watched what those words were doing to her. Her tears intensified when he thought it wasn't possible, her lower lip was bleeding from her biting it too hard, her long hair along with the rest of her was drenched completely in the pouring rain, in a complete mess all over her. Her eyes was red as she attempted to search for emotion on the face of the person who she took as her childhood friend, her trusted companion through difficult times, the person she would wait forever just to have him come back to her, her boyfriend…

His face was almost emotionless, giving her a condescending look as if she was the one in the wrong. His cold eyes stared down at her as if he did not regret anything that he had just said. Her heart in pieces, she stood up, turned away from him, and without looking back, ran as fast as she could away from him, unable to bear his presence any longer.

"Ran…"

As the rain continued to fall, he could only watch as her figure disappeared in the rain. He felt his tears fall as he finally let loose the emotions he was holding from the start. He let his legs give out as he fell against the wall, eyes flowing with tears mixing with the rain that was falling on his face, as if trying to console him on his decision. _It __was __the __right __decision, __right?_ He stopped thinking as the emotions welling up inside him exploded out and he simply cried.

In the middle of a half-flooded street, with nothing but regret and sorrow plastered on his face, the rain continued to fall upon him.

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><p>I'm not sure about the so-called final step, it looks plain to me...<br>So how did it go? Give me your honest opinions!


	2. Chapter 2

Okay here is the 2nd chapter. Please give me your views!

Disclaimer: I can't come up with even ten variations of murder, let alone 799 chapters worth? Obviously, I don't own Detective Conan.

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><p>It was still raining.<p>

Although it was hard for him to believe it, less than a minute has passed since Ran left him, running in the rain without once looking back. It already felt like a century. He wondered how he could face her later, even in the shrunken form of Conan.

Conan, the most elaborate lie he had ever told, the lie that was the main reason why they could never be. He could only cry harder as he thought back to every time he fooled her, someway or another, to conceal his identity, every time she cried as she tried to unravel the mystery around him…

"You sure you're okay with this?"

He turned his head to see a certain Osaka detective walking up to him, holding an umbrella in an attempt to shelter him. He wasn't sure when Heiji had come, but him being here and saying that meant that he had been watching. To be unable to see the dark-skinned detective, he wondered if there was anything else that he had missed. His mind was still in turmoil, but he knew that Heiji had only asked him that as a formality. He really didn't need to answer it.

"Why?"

That was a question, but it was one he didn't feel like answering. Just thinking about it was painful, his tears still had not stopped and he could feel the pain aching from the pieces of his heart.

"There's no antidote, Heiji. I can never go back."

That was the real reason. In the beginning, he had been full of hope, knowing that the Black Organisation had finally fallen and he could go back to his former life, being a normal 19-year-old teenager and back by her side, in his original form and voice. However, as the months passed, with Haibara continuing to research on and on into her custom-made poison, he realised the truth. That day, he saw Haibara typing furiously on the keyboard, unaware of his presence. It was one thing to see her typing quickly; it was another to see her typing frantically, as if desperate for something. He continued to observe her with the door ajar, hoping he was mistaken and that his brain was just giving him one of many possibilities. It was then that he heard it.

"Why…why can't I find it…why?"

That drove any reason he had generated to deny himself the truth flying out of the window. She could not find a permanent antidote. His last chance of ever getting back to his old life was gone. He could never walk as Kudo Shinichi ever again. Never to brag about his former cases, never to act as the famous Detective of the East, never to graduate high school until he grew 9 more years…

Never to return to her arms again…

Ran had been waiting for him for 3 years. That in itself was torture. He decided that it could not continue. She was waiting for someone that no longer existed. She would not stop waiting as long as there was even the slightest chance that he would come back for her. Thus, he came up with the plan.

One long, careful conversation. Rid her of any doubt that he was never going to come back to her. Make sure she didn't chase him, one that would expose his identity and may reveal his game plan. Break her heart in such a way that she would never believe anything he would ever say, just in case his regret overcame him. Most importantly, make her believe that he was no longer in love with her and that he was not interested in getting back together, even as friends. It was a massive heartbreak, but it was one he had to go through, if not Ran may just keep waiting for a non-existent person.

"Why not just tell her the truth?"

That was the only other alternative he had come up with. Revealing his identity would allow Ran to find out that she was waiting for someone that was in the same house as she was. He would probably experience torture, but that wasn't much right? Then he thought further and looked deeper, trying to think of the response that she may give. Then he came to one situation that he realised was so probable, he was certain it would happen. The problem with it was that he didn't want it to happen.

"I didn't want to hurt her."

Irony of the highest order. He had just possibly shattered her heart into a million pieces but he was talking about trying not to hurt her.

"What do you mean by that?"

Heiji knew that if he did something like this, he probably would have a very good reason. Causing Ran pain was so out of character that, unless someone had somehow acquired a very elaborate disguise, something big was causing him to make this decision.

Throughout the conversation, Shinichi had his face buried in his arms. Not, as he raised his head to look at the Detective of the West, Heiji saw that his eyes were an awful red and that the tears have yet to cease.

"Can you imagine what Ran would do when I told her?"

"Sure, she'll probably cry a lot, beat you up after she got over it and…"

"What if she never gets over it?"

Stunned by his interruption, Heiji could only answer, "ehh…?"

"Think about it. Do you seriously think that she could believe me after all I did? I lied to her for more than 3 years, living in the same room while watching her cry as she imagined the trouble I was facing as I settled 'that case'. Watched as she tried crossing each day with that drunken old man and Conan without showing her true emotions. Watched as she tore herself apart with worry…"

"You were suffering as well…"

"As if that was a reason! How could I tell her that I have been living with her these past 3 years while solving her dad's cases? Or that I did so to protect her? Do you think that would work? She would probably feel used, her trust abused, being no more than a random friend to freeload from, to take advantage of…"

"She would understand! You know she would!"

"And then what? Make her wait for me? I already made her wait 3 whole years! Now I'll always be 10 years younger than her. She'll be waiting years for me to grow up!"

"You know she wouldn't mind!"

"I don't want her to wait for me! She deserves better! I caused her enough pain! She should move on, rather than waiting for me who can only seem to continue lying to her…"

As he said that, Heiji finally found the real reason behind everything. Shinichi had broken down. He had seen enough tears. In his guilt-ridden state, he no longer felt deserving enough to receive Ran's love. He saw himself as the reason to Ran's sorrow and had taken the fastest route to end it, so that once she had gotten over him she could find someone that she truly deserved. Or so Heiji believed he reasoned.

Shinichi continued to shed tears. The fact that Heiji's umbrella was sheltering him from the rain made little difference as the tears continued to flow from his eyes. He knew he was supposed to be getting ready to change back to Conan anytime soon, but he couldn't find the strength to move. As he tried to get his mind in order, he hoped he hadn't missed anything.

"Goodbye Ran..."

Unbeknownst to him, a certain figure was leaning beside the wall at the corner just out of sight. She then turned to run off, towards the house of a certain professor, home to a certain teenage prodigy.

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><p>So how is it so far? I don't really have much experience writing angst...wait I have none at all this is my first try...<br>Give me your honest views!


	3. Chapter 3

Here's the last chapter! I think most of you can figure out what's going to happen, right?  
>Okay, I think this is one of the fanfics that I'm not particularly proud of, but still, read and comment?<p>

Disclaimer: I was one when Detective Conan first came out. I'll have to be some extremely talented baby to own this series (which I'm obviously not)

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><p>Haibara Ai was typing furiously on the keyboard. She knew what she was doing was hopeless, but she had to try. If not, all hope would be lost. Not for her, but for the one that calls himself Edogawa Conan.<p>

Within weeks of obtaining her data and samples of the APTX-4869, she found the flaw to her design of the prototype antidote. The problem was this; the flaw could not be corrected. She spent more and more time in the lab, drowning herself in this new discovery, trying to find a way to correct the flaw or bypass it, so that Shinichi could go back to being a high school student, back by Ran's side…

She heard the door open behind her. She assumed it was either the professor or Shinichi trying to see what she was doing, so when she heard a female voice, she was shocked out so much she nearly jumped. She looked back to see Ran behind her, eyes red as if she had been crying and her entire body soaked to the bone. She stared at her, trying to make a response but failing miserably, unable to comprehend the scene before her.

"Shinichi tried to breakup with me."

Although it was a statement that was said clearly, the wavering of her voice was clearly evident to the shrunken teenage scientist. That statement made her eyes grow wide in horror as she realised what it really meant. Shinichi had discovered that she was unable to make a permanent antidote. He had tried to take it into his own hands. She struggled to process the information that was being passed to her, before Ran broke her line of thought once more.

"Ai…can I ask a favour of you?"

The girl that was Miyano Shiho looked up at the person she thought as her elder sister. She wondered what request was going to come from her. As Ran said her insane request, her eyes widened even further as she tried hard not to faint. Both Ran and Ai looked at each other in a deafening silence as the little scientist looked for a way to answer to Ran. In the end, she gave in, telling Ran to wait as she got off her seat to find the item she needed, all the way trying to convince herself that she was making the right choice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to the next scene~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinichi, now in the child form of Conan, sat in the park as he dried his eyes and tried to look normal. He doubted that he had ever looked normal but he tried, at least, to be as normal as Conan could ever be. If Ran was to get over him she needed someone to help her and he was sure that Conan could provide at least a bit of comfort.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. Since it was this late, he thought that perhaps Heiji had come to accompany him or that Professor Agasa had come to comfort him. What he did not expect to see was the 9-year-old form of Ran standing right behind him. He fell back, staring at the small child that was looking down at him.

Before he could even ask a thing, the child jumped onto him and hugged him, answering the question that was burning inside of him.

"I asked Ai to give me the poison, so that I could be back by your side again. Apparently, as an added bonus she also adjusted it so that the poison would not kill me if it failed to change me and slowed its effects so that I would be the same age as you."

He could not react; the event happening before his eyes was far past his comprehension. He tried to voice out his thoughts, but all that came out was, "w…w…why?"

"I dropped my handkerchief on the floor, as I came back to get it I came from the alley so you wouldn't see me but then I overheard everything."

His thought processes officially stopped at this point. She had heard? Then that meant…

"And I don't care what you think anymore. I want to be by your side. Just accept it; I already can't change my mind."

He had already stopped thinking, but his instincts had at some point caused him to sit up with Ran sitting on his lap. He used his hands to cup her face and leaned in…

"Aren't we both a bit too young for that?"

He stopped himself short to look deep into her eyes as his brain started to function again. Both of them suddenly realised the close proximity they were sharing and blushed. Then Shinichi thought of something.

"Wait, what about everyone else? Your parents, Sonoko, our friends and family, what are you going to do about them?"

"Hmm… I actually didn't even think that far. Something about being in love makes you miss stuff like that, doesn't it?"

He felt his blush intensify as she said that, casting his gaze downwards where he noticed her still sitting on his lap, causing his blush to intensify even further. Ran followed his gaze and felt her face heat up, before both of them simultaneously stood up.

Then, hand in hand, both of them walked towards Professor Agasa's house, intent on sorting out this mess, towards a new life…

But that is another story.

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><p>This came out a bit shorter than I thought it would, maybe I should have went deeper into their emotions but I wasn't sure how to do it so it came out like this.<p>

This is the end! Give me your honest views on this one!


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